Why I Wish I Had Known

I presented this message at a bridal shower held by the ladies fellowship at RFC two years after we were married, sometime in 2005.

My husband Ryan and I have been married for almost two years after dating for over three. You think you know everything about a person when you’ve dated that long, but I have learned that there will always be something new to learn about my husband. However, there is one thing I wish I had known about him before we got married. I wish I had known that my husband was human.

You may laugh, but it’s true. Instead of marrying a human husband, I thought I was marrying my Prince Charming, or maybe he was my super hero. Or perhaps he would be my new little puppy dog.

When I married Ryan, I expected him to be my Prince Charming—providing constant romance. Breakfasts in bed, “I love you” notes left around the house, poetry boasting of his love for me, and constant reminders of how beautiful I am. But, that didn’t happen. At least, it wasn’t exactly like that.

So, maybe I had actually married my super hero. Ryan the Rugged. Someone who would be there to catch my every fall, wipe my every tear, be at my side in every situation, and say the right thing every time. He was the one who would save my life. I’d never have to worry about anything ever again! But, that didn’t happen either. So, whom had I married?

A new little puppy dog? Yes! A new little puppy dog. I would train him to be just what I wanted him to be. He would do everything just as I would ask him to do it. Yes, I would train my new little puppy dog husband to be perfect. But, guess what? That didn’t happen either.

So, where was my Prince Charming? Sure, romantic things happen now and then—but not every day. I came to realize that I hadn’t married Prince Charming after all. I had married Ryan, and Ryan was human, not a fairy tale character. My Prince Charming gets tired. Sometimes he needs me to initiate a little romance. And now, when romantic things happen, I appreciate them so much more.

And my super hero husband? Well, Ryan the Rugged can’t always be there to catch me when I fall. In fact, sometimes he falls too. He wipes away my tears when he can, but sometimes he needs someone to wipe away his tears. And, he certainly doesn’t always have the right thing to say. Now I realize that this is because he is human—not an artifi cial cartoon character created by someone’s imagination. Ryan was created by God, and God put him in my life for a reason. I’ve come to appreciate the fact that sometimes Ryan’s silent presence is all I need to feel secure. I’ll leave the part of saving my life up to God.

As for training my husband like a puppy, well, we all know that if you marry someone with the intention of changing him or her, you are in big trouble. I’ve learned over the last year and half that we need to learn to compromise. I can’t train Ryan like a puppy dog; certain rewards might encourage him to do things for me, but that’s not the point. The point is that when I married my husband, I married him for who he is, not for who I can change him to be. Any changes we make for each other are simply acts of love, a bonus in our married life together. I wish I had known my husband was human right from the very beginning, instead of burdening him with high expectations. I’m still occasionally guilty of expecting too much from him—but God is teaching us everyday about each other, and I still love every moment of it.