Never Enough

Please bear with me as I catch up with putting my writing on this new blog!  This is a piece I wrote for Morning Out for Moms in November 2017.

I will never forget the moment that I found out that no one ever feels good enough.  This particular time it had to do with being good enough for God.  I was married, had one child at the time, and nearly every day I suffered with the unbearable reality that I was just not good enough for God.  Despite striving to be my best, and working to do as much good as I could and be as perfect as I could, I knew I didn’t measure up.  It was exhausting and depressing. I had no idea if I’d make it past the gates of Heaven.

So when I was visiting in a different church one Sunday, I found myself nodding in agreement with the pastor as he asked the questions, “Do you find that you never measure up?  Do you question your salvation, and if you deserve it?  Do you constantly fail, and feel that you’ll never arrive in your walk of faith? Well, guess what everyone, I feel like that too”.  I was stunned.  Don’t pastors, and missionaries, and all those amazing Christian authors feel like they have their (noise) together?! He went on to explain that NO ONE ever feels like they have arrived.  No one.  “All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God”.  Not just me.  ALL.

He talked about our faith walk like a journey up a set of stairs.  We start at the bottom, and work our way up to Heaven.  Many of us have grown up with a preconceived notion, or maybe just a plain old lie from the devil himself, that somewhere along that set of stairs is a mystical and marvellous place called “Now we are good enough”.  I, for one, was in a desperate search for that place.  Working in all the ways I knew how to somehow be good enough to get to the “good enough” spot on those stairs where God Himself would come down and tell me, “Yes, now you are welcome in My House”.  That morning though, in that church, the pastor crushed my dream of achieving that moment.  He let us all know that place DOES NOT EXIST.  What?!  No one, ever, feels good enough?  No one ever says, “yes, now I’m okay”?  That God we claim to know and love?  He doesn’t just sit at the top of the stairs and watch us from a distance falling and failing.  He doesn’t sit there judging us and wondering when we will pull our act together and get to the “good enough” spot. 

No, the God that loves us beyond our own comprehension comes and meets us at the VERY BOTTOM of those stairs on the very first day we ask Him to.  And after that, He never, ever leaves.  He does not give up.  He does not care if we fail.  He does not abandon us.  He is right there on those steps with us every single day, every single step we make – whether it’s up one, or down two, He’s there.  He holds our hand, He cheers us on, He carries us when we break, and He holds us in His arms when we think we just won’t make it.  There is no place to reach that we will be good enough.  We are good enough because He makes us good enough.  We are not good enough on our own – but we are good enough with Him – no matter where we are at in our lives. At this point during the service my shoulders were shaking as I tried to mask the fact that I was openly weeping.  Why don’t I ever pack Kleenex in my purse?!

By now you are saying to yourselves, “Thank for you this alter-call type sermon Heather – what does this have to do with being mothers?!”.  I won’t apologize for that – I hope I am encouraging some of you in your faith walk, that it doesn’t have to look perfect.

But it is the same with mothering.  No mother ever feels that she’s got her (noise) together every day.  Not one single mom ever feels she’s got this, or that she’s creating the perfect environment for raising her children to be the best human beings the world has ever seen every day.  We STRIVE for that, we desire that, but we fail and we worry that we’re ruining them.

You are not alone on this motherhood journey.  Just like God is with us on every step of our faith journey, He is also there for every step of your journey as a mom – failing or thriving.

Take a moment to think about the women in your life.  This can be your tribe.  This is your village.  These are the moms who can walk with you step-by-step as you grow, and as your children grow.  None of us will do it perfectly or get it all right or choose to do everything the same way.  We’re going to fail – but we can get back up.  These are the women who will help you dust off, wipe off those tears, and let you know that they’ve totally been there, face down in the dust as well.

That is why I picked out 1 Peter 3:8 as a sort of theme verse for our group this year.  The NLT version of it is this:

"Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude". (NLT)

But the Message version reads like this, and I really like it:

“Be agreeable, be sympathetic, be loving, be compassionate, be humble. That goes for all of you, no exceptions. No retaliation. No sharp-tongued sarcasm. Instead, bless—that’s your job, to bless. You’ll be a blessing and also get a blessing”. (MSG)

So let’s walk this road, these steps, this journey – whatever it is to you – let’s do it together, step-by-step, growing together this year.  I pray this group will help you to become the absolute best mom you can be, imperfections and all.